Do not trust these men

I don't understand the following things, which therefore means they must be wrong.

Norv Turner. In the future, when the bad coaching gene has been isolated, we may well look back on the Chargers’ loss to Denver last Monday as a clinic in Norv Turner’s unique brand of chaos. Just a vintage Norv display — openly disrespectful players, unresponsive officials, a defense that can’t couldn’t make a third-down stop. I feel like that game was played on an endless loop for the totality of my childhood. (Worst personnel decision of the offseason: retaining Cover-2 disciple Ron Rivera to run San Diego’s 3-4 attack. What made anybody think that was going to work? It’s like assuming a Portuguese speaker can host the news in French because they’re both romance languages. The basics might be there, but is he really going to be able to convey the specifics?)

Girls who want you to compliment them on the creativity of their Halloween costume. Oh, wow, you know who else is dressed as a skanky Kate Gosselin? EVERYONE. Didn’t anyone learn anything from all the ill-fated Sarah Palin costumes last year? There's something about people who express their creativity through broad social trends that invites skepticism.

Pundits who dismiss unremarkable players by saying, “He’s just a guy.” Smug, smarmy, lazy — just awful. What does that even mean? When it comes down to it, we’re all just guys. Get it over with and invite Lili Taylor into the booth.

Kristen Stewart. They say a million chubby teenagers can’t be wrong, an adage that frankly fails to account for Kristen Stewart’s performance in “Adventureland.” There’s so much to like about Greg Mottola’s movie, now out on DVD, that it’s important to recognize just how awful “Twilight” star Stewart is as the film’s resident manic pixie dream girl. She’s a downer to watch on screen, a fact that actually might help “Adventureland” as we enter Oscar season. It’s a testament to the strength of the movie’s first two acts that the audience is so alarmed when the hero falls for the moody, boring girl.

"Tripping is bad because it means you're not running, you're tripping."

On-deck hitters who don’t move the bat before a play at the plate. Not to go all George Will on you, but this is just infuriating. What’s more, nobody seems to comment on it. You’d think Tim McCarver at least would relish the opportunity to explain why not tripping over things makes you a more effective baserunner.

Matt Mosley. Let me say first that I like Mosley, ESPN.com’s NFC East blogger. I’ll always be grateful to him for Wade Phillips’ frantic search for his car keys after a loss in the divisional round of the 2008 playoffs. That being said, I have no idea how Mosley can justify picking Albert Haynesworth as the NFC East’s biggest disappointment over, say, Tony Romo, Anthony Spencer, Shawn Andrews, DeAngelo Hall, Roy Williams or Brandon Jacobs. Haynesworth’s about the only member of the 2009 Washington Redskins I haven’t wanted to see sealed up in a pod and shot off into the deepest recesses of space. What I'm trying to say is he’s been great. Mosley says Haynesworth hasn’t been a “catalytic player on defense, setting up Andre Carter and Brian Orakpo for sacks,” a claim effectively countered by Mister Irrelevant’s Chris Mottram, who points out Orakpo and Carter are on pace for 29 sacks this year, an improvement on the 24 sacks registered by the entire Washington defense in 2008. There are a lot of things wrong with the 2009 Redskins, but Albert Haynesworth isn’t one of them.

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