Eight in the box: American beauties

EIGHT: American Beauty No. 1- We at the NFP want to celebrate the Fourth of July with an American beauty — someone who’s worthy of her own holiday. Our expert panel can’t think of anyone we’d rather celebrate with than Cindy Crawford. Living in America is a beautiful thing, my friends.

SEVEN: Superstars- Don’t know if you’ve been watching “The Superstars” on ABC, but I happened to turn it on for about five minutes the other night — and saw T.O. running races (on the beach) against washed-up “Baywatch” actors. How would I rate the show? Well, probably somewhere between “The Hills” marathon and a Jonas Brothers video.

SIX: Favre Jerseys- According to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, the NFL has yet to start “mass producing” purple Brett Favre jerseys. Oh well, I’m sure after the holiday that Packers fans can use them to mop up the floors at Anduzzi’s Sports Club — across the street from Lambeau Field — after a night of pounding Molsons and Old Styles. Golly, he’s going to be a hated man on Onedia Street this season.

FIVE: American Beauty No. 2- We’re sticking with the holiday theme today, and how could we not mention the Fourth of July, America, Bud Heavies and beautiful women without including Chicago’s very own Jenny McCarthy? It just wouldn’t be right.

FOUR: Mitchell Let Go- According to USAtoday.com,  former Redskin and team radio analyst Brian Mitchell was fired this week because, he claims, he was “critical” of the team. Hey, Brian, I agree with you because I wouldn’t be able to say anything good about a team that started 6-2 and missed the playoffs, either.

THREE: Wake Up, Rook- According to NFL.com, former Vikings great Cris Carter had some harsh words for a rookie who fell asleep while Carter was talking at this week’s Rookie Symposium. Oh well, sometimes it takes a helmet under the chin from a veteran to know that this isn’t high school anymore. Enjoy it, rookie.

TWO: Marshall Mouths Off- According to DenverNewsChannel.com, Broncos WR Brandon Marshall had some harsh words for the city and the team after a DUI arrest in ’07 that just became public, saying, “I hate Denver. I hope I get traded.” Well, Brandon, I doubt you’re getting traded, but I bet Broncos fans now think the exact same thing about you. Have fun this season — and don’t even think about dropping a pass at home.

ONE: American Beauty No. 3- We thought we’d wrap up the week before the festivities start Saturday with one more beauty — one of NFP Fantasy expert Joe Fortenbaugh’s favorites (yes, the same guy who did push-ups in his hotel room before hitting the pool in Vegas). Say hello to Brooke Burke — and rejoice, America.

From the National Football Post, have a great holiday and drink American beer. He gone.

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