Eight in the box: scream queens

EIGHT: Scream Queens- We know there’s a reason you head to the movies to see guys in masks saw off people’s limbs and chase around super-hot blondes — and that’s exactly why we’re bringing you the best “scream queens” on this early winter Friday. Our research team here at the NFP came up with a sleeper to start. Meet Jennifer Ellison, the Brit who starred in “The Cottage.” Enjoy.

SEVEN: Come on, JaMarcus- Does anyone think that Raiders backup QB JaMarcus Russell just doesn’t get it when it comes to the NFL? When asked about current starter Bruce Gradkowski’s production, Russell replied, “Guys are just making plays around him.” What? That’s what those “guys” will do when you give them a chance to catch the ball. Come on, guy.

SIX: T.O.- According to reports, Bills WR Terrell Owens has signed with a modeling agency, saying, “When you’ve got good looks like myself, you have to take advantage of it.” I’m thinking what to say here, but the more I look at what T.O. actually said, I can’t help but shrug my shoulders and move on with my day.

FIVE: Jessica- OK, we know that Jessica Biel isn’t actually a “scream queen,” but she did have a role in “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” and we just couldn’t find a way to keep her out of today’s lineup. She’s worth it.

FOUR: Ocho- Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco is pure reality TV entertainment these days. I don’t even watch him play for what he does on the field anymore, and his latest, donning a sombrero after a TD last week, was classic. But it cost Ocho 30k, and he just shrugged it off. Only in the NFL do you see guys who will just throw 30k in the trash.

THREE: “Poop” talk- We don’t usually hear the word “poop” used, unless you have kids who fill up diapers all day long, but that didn’t stop Ragnar, the Vikings mascot, from saying he “poops things bigger” than Ochocinco — after Ocho said he was going to take Ragnar’s motorcycle (the one he rides out onto the field). Like I said, you want entertainment, you go to No. 85. And if you want “poop,” just interview a guy who dresses up like a Viking on Sundays.

TWO: Tweet apology- We all know that Twitter is running the world these days, and now it’s a place for NFL apologizes (which we love.) After Ray Rice went off on Lambeau Field and the city of Green Bay, calling it “terrible,” he updated his Twitter account with an apology. Does that even count?

ONE: Tara- NFP Fantasy expert Joe Fortenbaugh has a “thing” for Tara Reid, and even thought she’s a B-rated star with plastic surgery issues, we gave Joe what he wanted this week. And, yes, she’s a “scream queen,” having appeared in movies such as “Living Death” and “Vipers,” which we believe to be a cheap rip-off of the Ice Cube classic “Anaconda.” So, here you go, Fortenbaugh -- Tara Reid, complete with some airbrushing.

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Hawkeyes in the Orange Bowl. Sorry, Penn State.

Follow me on Twitter: MattBowen41

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