The Daily Jolt's week 4 picks

I hit my stride last week, going 12-4 to raise my yearly record to 24-24. As a result, today's column will be shame free. To the lines!

Last week: 12-4

Year to date: 24-24

The Dead Schembechlers “Chad Henne Is A Joke!” Game of the Week

MIAMI (+2) over Buffalo

As usual, the obscene novelty song is only half-right. There’s much to like about Henne, especially the not being Chad Pennington part. Plus, Henne played for Lloyd Carr, so he already knows how to hand the ball off on 3rd -and-5.

The Todd Haley Bright Future In Sales Game of the Week

New York Giants (-8½) over KANSAS CITY

I still can’t believe Scott Pioli hired Todd Haley as his head coach. Scott Pioli! That’s like David Mamet losing all his money in a 419 scam. On the bright side, Carl Peterson’s still gone, which means there’s no chance the team will trade Tyler Thigpen for a conditional Day 2 draft choice.

The Max Fisher “Tell That Stupid Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today” Rivalry Game of the Week

Cincinnati (-5½) over CLEVELAND

APManchurian Mangini.

Manchurian Mangini may yet go down as Bill Belichick’s greatest achievement. Winning only goes so far — lasting success is increasingly built upon your ability to cause others to lose. What good is a coaching tree that doesn’t bear the occasional piece of poison fruit? Everything Eric Mangini knows, he mis-learned from Bill Belichick.

Murder Incorporated Mismatch of the Week

INDIANAPOLIS (-10) over Seattle

Most enthralling trend of the 2009 season: Coaches screaming at kickers. It’s an improvement over the old “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just shank a 35-yarder” routine. Credit Jim Mora with remembering the golden rule of coaching self-preservation: No good ever comes from defending a kicker or a third-base coach.

The Homer Simpson “I’ve Seen Plays That Were More Exciting Than This…Honest To God, PLAYS!” anti-Game of the Week

Tampa (+7) over WASHINGTON

There should be a way to sanction a bad NFL coach without having to fire him, like the football equivalent of a no confidence vote. It would be a great way to handle both of these coaches. (Side note: This is a terrible line. Vegas still doesn’t understand the Redskins can’t defend the pass. If Matt Stafford can tear them up, so can Josh Freeman.)

The “I’d Like Half My Winnings In Cash, And Half In Suitcases To Carry The Cash” Easy Money Game of the Week

PITTSBURGH (-6½) over San Diego

The injured, lethargic Chargers go cross-country to play a Steelers team that looks better now than it did during its Super Bowl run, despite only boasting a 1-2 record. I fail to see a set of circumstances where Pittsburgh wins by fewer than two touchdowns.

The “This Time…Advantage Varnsen!” Revenge Game of the Week

MINNESOTA (-3½) over Green Bay

How bad has Green Bay’s offensive line been this year? Bad enough that people know they’re bad. That’s bad. Other than that, there are no major storylines associated with this game.

Omar Little All In The Game Game of the Week

NEW ORLEANS (-7) over New York Jets

I think it’s fairly safe to say that this will be Gregg Williams’ only season in New Orleans. Lest we forget, this is the man Dan Snyder passed over to hire Jim Zorn. That should be enough to scare Mark Sanchez just the smallest bit.

The Rest:

DENVER (+3) over Dallas

Oakland (+9½) over HOUSTON

Baltimore (+2) over NEW ENGLAND

St. Louis (+9½) over SAN FRANCISCO

Tennessee (-3) over JACKSONVILLE

CHICAGO (-10) over Detroit

Follow me on Twitter: RayGustini

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