I need $10,000.

This is not a solicitation. I promise. But if you have any loose bills lying under the cushions on your sofa – or sitting idly in your bank account – please feel free to send them. Cash or check. Listen, I’ll take PayPal if I have to.

Rest assured I’ll put them to good use. Best of all, if my luck runs hot in July, your kind investment could be returned tenfold. Maybe more.

My cause is worthy. I want to play in the World Series of Poker.

I’m the next Chris Moneymaker. I have the shrewdness of Doyle Brunson, the cold, calculating style of Phil Ivey, the reading ability of Daniel Negreanu. What I don’t have is the buy-in for the main event. And I’m running out of time; cards go in the air on July 3.

That’s why I need $10,000. My wife has already turned me down, so I’m coming to you, dear reader, with my head bowed and my hand held out. Pathetic, I know, but you’re my only hope.

OK, so you don’t know me. Let me introduce myself. I love poker. I play it online almost every day, and although my results are mixed, I consider myself a formidable opponent at the $5 sit-and-go’s I play at Full Tilt. I swear, the other players respect my game.

I’ll admit right now that I’ve tried to win a seat at one of those online satellites, but what can you do when you’re holding a set of jacks and someone backdoors a flush? Or hits a gut-shot straight draw? That’s poker.

You can be sure I won’t blow the money at the blackjack table or put it all on double zero on the roulette wheel. I’m smarter than that.

Your investment is safe. I want the bracelet. I’ll even let you wear it to work. Once.

I just want to be a winner like Moneymaker and Greg Raymer and Jamie Gold and Peter Eastgate, all previous main event winners. I want to rub elbows with Phil Hellmuth and Dan Harrington and tell them how I pushed all in at the final table and flopped the nuts. I want to mesmerize my friends with stories about bluffing Scotty Nguyen out of a pot.

And just think of the pot of gold that could await you if you invest. Eastgate won $9 million last year. Gold pocketed a retirement-inducing $12 million in 2006. I could put you on Easy Street if I win.

Think about it.

In the meantime, you can find me at the $6.99 buffet line at the Sahara.