After a brief hiatus, the Fantasy Stock Market is back.  It’s time to break out the portfolios, because we’re going to analyze which stocks are up (Homeys) and which stocks are down (Iron Mikes).  Week 14 kicks off tomorrow night, so remember to get your fantasy rosters set.  Good luck to everyone who has a playoff game this weekend. 

                           

STRAIGHT CASH HOMEYS  

1.   Carnell “It’s a Cadillac” Williams:  The “It’s a Cadillac” moniker is a reference from the movie “The Great White Hype” when Jamie Foxx is standing outside of the MGM Grand trying to explain what a “Merlot Brougham” is (great movie, by the way). Stupid movie references aside, Cadillac Williams stock is hot on the streets right now.  Relegated to the PUP list (Physically Unable to Perform) early in the year, Williams made his return to action this past Sunday against the Saints in an all-to-common Florida monsoon, carrying the leather 4 times for 20 yards and a score.  While the numbers may not be uber-impressive, head coach Jon Gruden’s post game comments certainly were.  Gruden said he plans on getting the Cadillac more involved in the offense in the coming weeks, just in time for fantasy owners to shore up their benches heading into the playoffs.   

2.   Dustin “Bulls Eye” Keller :  A bulls eye must be what Keller rocks on his jersey, because Favre looks for him more than Plax looks for “discreet” hospitals.  DK’s stock has been steadily climbing as he is becoming one of quarterback Brett Favre’s favorite targets.  Through the first eight games of the season, Keller only caught 13 passes for 147 yards.  Those measly numbers are now a thing of the past.  In his last five outings, Keller has made 27 grabs for 313 yards as he continues to operate as Brett Favre’s safety valve when the deep passing game heads south or the pocket breaks down.  Upcoming games with San Francisco, Buffalo, Seattle and Miami should help this trend continue. 

3.   Davone “The Opportunity Seizer” Bess:  Bess has been getting a lot of attention on the Post as of late, mostly because you guys are playoff bound and looking to add depth to your rosters.  Well done.  DB spent most of 2008 on the sidelines, relegated to special offensive packages that limited his action.  That is no longer the case.  Starting wide receiver Greg Camarillo was lost for the season due to injury two weeks ago, opening up the door for Bess to step in and show the Dolphins what he could do.  In his last two outings (the only games in which he got some serious burn), Bess has hauled in 11 passes for 171 yards.  Quarterback Chad Pennington is starting to target him more, meaning Bess should close out 2008 on a strong note.  He may not be a viable starting option in smaller leagues, but he is worth a pick-up if you have some dead weight you can afford to drop. 

Honorable Homeys:  Donovan McNabb, Jason Witten, Chris Johnson & LenDale White, John Carlson, Mark Clayton, Shaun Hill, Brandon Jackson, Domenik Hixon & Amani Toomer, Leon Washington, Bernard Berrian

THE MIKE TYSON STOCK PORTFOLIO  

1.   “Harris Smith”:  Never heard this name before?  That’s ok.  Neither had New York-Cornell hospital until Plaxico Burress came hobbling in after blasting himself in the thigh with a bullet.  “Harris Smith” was the alias Burress used to avoid detection.  Clever.  I wouldn’t recognize a Super Bowl hero in my town either, mostly because my town (Philly) has never won a Super Bowl.  I still say his alias could have been better.  At least Michael Vick came up with “Ron Mexico.”  That was a sweet name.  In any event, Burress is finished for the season and will be sitting on his can for the next few months trying to recover from his hamstring/gunshot injury.  He should look into buying this product if he gets uncomfortable. 

2.   Clinton “Southeast Jerome” Portis:  Portis’ decrease in stock value can be attributed to a multitude of injuries he has suffered over the last month.  If you take away the 143 yard performance CP put up against the Seahawks two weeks ago, his last three games have seen him carry the ball 39 times for only 141 yards and no scores.  In fact, Portis hasn’t found the end zone since Week 7 against Cleveland.  The good news is that two of “Southeast Jerome’s” final four games come against Cincinnati and San Francisco.  The bad news is that this weekend is not one of those games.  Portis and the Redskins head to Baltimore on Sunday night to take on the Ravens.  Keep in mind that Washington hosts Philadelphia in Week 16, which should make for some good old fashioned NFC East football.   

3.   Kyle “Bring Back Rex” Orton:  Relax, Chicago.  I’m just kidding.  Nobody wants to see Grossman back under center.  Not even Grossman.  After ripping through the first seven games of the season and actually cracking the top 10 rankings for fantasy quarterbacks, Orton has fallen off hard.  In his last four starts, KO has only completed 49 of 97 passes for 526 yards, with 3 touchdowns and 3 interceptions.  Remember, those stats are from his last FOUR GAMES.  While he was once a viable fantasy starter capable of big time production, Orton is now a question mark when it comes to the starting lineup.  Until he shows you he can get it done, leave him on your bench.

Dis-Honorable Iron Mikes:  Matt Cassel, Jacksonville (all of them), Philip Rivers, Jason Campbell, Ryan Grant, Cleveland’s offense, Trent Edwards (welcome back), T.J. Houshmandzadeh,…..i’ll leave some blank so you guys can get in on the fun and throw out your suggestions