Week Two

Ray Gustini writes for Radar Magazine.  Be sure to check him out at www.RadarOnline.com

We’re one week into the season and I’m already confused. To sort through everything, I present the first of my weekly guides on the upcoming games, plus links and time-wasting suggestions to help you make the most out of being unproductive over the next few days.

            The “You’re Messing With Murder Incorporated” Mismatch of the Week

New York Giants (-8.5) over ST. LOUIS

Jim Henson’s Creature Shop needs to go back to the drawing board on their Scott Linehan designs: not once during that Eagles game did I buy that that was a real guy standing on the Rams sidelines. Too waxy, motionless, and all-around fake-looking

The Homer Simpson “I’ve Seen Plays That Were More Exciting Than This…Honest To God, PLAYS!” anti-Game of the Week

KANSAS CITY (-4) over Oakland

With uncertainty at home and abroad, it is nice to see something that plays out exactly as one would expect, as was the case with the 4^th quarter battle of wits between Herm Edwards and Bill Belichick last weekend. With the Chiefs on the Patriots 5-yard line driving for the tie, Herm did all the things one would expect from him (needlessly burning timeouts, inexplicably sending Larry Johnson off-tackle on 2^nd down). Belichick played his part to perfection, too (standing by quietly as Herm and Chan Gailey doused themselves in gasoline and to use their play-calling sheets to start a fire on the sideline). It was just great to see.

Meanwhile, Americans that stayed up late Monday night were treated Lane Kiffin putting on the most transparent attempt by an American professional sports staffer to force his own dismissal since Yankees traveling secretary George Costanza streaked across the infield in a flesh-colored bodysuit. USC fans have to be happy that Kiffin will be back on campus and working on Mitch Mustain’s mechanics by the weekend of the Oregon game.

10 Songs That Will Rock Your Weekend—Each week, I’ll be listing ten all-purpose rock & roll songs that will enhance whatever you’re doing this weekend, whether it be driving home on Friday, tailgating for college games on Saturday, or scrambling through a cram session Sunday night. We’ll focus on indie rock and underrated cuts from more mainstream artists. The goal is getting you to give you stuff you haven’t heard before. The running playlist is available as an iMix on iTunes—search for ‘National Football Post 2008 Mix.’ Enjoy:

1. ‘Goin’ Down South (Feat. Lyrics Born)’ by R.L. Burnside

I found this on a freebie CD of blues-remixes that came into the office one day. My iPod tells me I’ve listened to this song over 150 times in the last year, which sounds about right.

2. ‘Wolf Like Me’ by TV on the Radio

A great driving/running song.

3. ‘Read My Mind’ by The Killers

So everybody hated “Sam’s Town” when it came out two years ago, but it’s got six or seven more tracks just like this that have aged beautifully.

4. ‘Ain’t Got Me’ by Paul Westerberg

A fun, forgotten track from a mid-90s album by the perpetually underrated Westerberg, the former Replacements front man. Rock & Roll was invented so guys like Paul Westerberg could describe a girl who’s “got a voice like the last day of Catholic school”

5. ‘The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth’ by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!

They haven’t had the crossover success of The Killers, and they don’t have the cult following of TV on the Radio, but these guys might be better than either of them.

6. ‘Kids’ by MGMT

I saw these guys play this song in July at McCarren Park Pool in Brooklyn. I think everybody there that night went home and downloaded this ringtone.

7. ‘Geraldine’ by Glasvegas

I found this Scottish group through gothamacme.com, the indie music blog of Howard Wolfson, the former communications director for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. Howard and I had our differences when I was covering the campaigns, but I can honestly say he’s the best former Clinton flack blogging about indie rock (aside from Paul Begala and his Arcade Fire fansite)

8. ‘Basket Case’ by Warren Zevon

There’s a case to be made that all of the rock&roll songs depicting insane, sexually aggressive women represent an alarming sociological trend, but then Warren Zevon opens up by snarling “My baby is a basket case/A bipolar mama in leather and lace” and you’re hooked.

9. ‘Hang Me Up To Dry’ by Cold War Kids

Just another solid song.

10. ‘The Fuse’ by Bruce Springsteen

The best song off of Bruce’s best album (2002’s “The Rising”)—a slow-building, criminally underrated hard-charger that seems like a prologue for every song on “Magic”

The Max Fisher “Tell That Stupid Mick He Just Made My List Of Things To Do Today” Rivalry Game of the Week

New England (+2.5) over NEW YORK JETS

Point-Counterpoint: 2008 New York Jets: Greatest team in the history of sports, or merely the greatest team in the history of the NFL?

Point: Greatest team in the history of sports—did you see the way they beat the Dolphins by six points? It takes the heart of a champion to let a team that went 1-15 last year hang around all game, then put them in a position to drive for the win, and then…WAM…intercept a fluttering pass in the back of the endzone as time expired to go home with a victory. That’s how the greats do it. Greatest team ever, in any sport. No wait, strike that: greatest thing ever. Even better than gravity.

Counterpoint: You’re crazy—they’re just the greatest NFL team ever. You’re forgetting the ’94 Rangers! That’s the greatest thing ever—certainly more than your precious gravity.

Point: Are you implying that the Jets are not better than gravity?

Counterpoint: At no point did—

Point: ANSWER THE QUESTION, SIR!

Counterpoint: Of course the Jets are better than gravity—we’re in agreement. But surely you must concede the Jets would be even better if Messier was their slot receiver.

Point: This is true—and perhaps even more so if John Starks was the long-snapper.

Counterpoint: Good, I’m glad we agree. Now let’s start coming up with more lame Belichick jokes…

            Big Important Book Of The Week:  The War Within by Bob Woodward

After previewing the New England Patriots, a controversial, shadowy outfit dogged by controversy, the Big Important Book Of The Week is about…the Bush administration! The pick is The War Within (http://www.amazon.com/War-Within-Secret-History-2006-2008/dp/1416558977/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1221161466&sr=8-1) , Bob Woodward’s fourth and final book about the President and his cabinet. The first three installments drew fire from the left and the right, which lets you know Woodward was probably on to something. Put together, all four provide a fascinating overview of the last eight years.

The Cosmo Kramer “That’s Some Sweet Action” Game of the Week That Makes You Want To Go To Vegas

CAROLINA (-3) over Chicago

Show of hands: who was really, really impressed by the Panthers Week 1 performance? Okay, one, two, three--so basically everybody. And who was really impressed by the Bears Week 1 performance?...Anyone?...Ah, yes, you there in the back—is that a hand? … No? You’re just stretching? Oh, sorry.  Okay. Carry on.

The Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Owning Mahowny Game of the Week That Makes You Never Want To Go To Vegas

CLEVELAND (+6) over Pittsburgh

Forget Houston—among borderline playoff teams, Cleveland turned in the most worrisome Week 1 performance. Defenders with hands on hips not wanting to tackle, awful body language on the sidelines, complete lack of composure from Derek Anderson, and, of course, Romeo Crennel’s award-winning decision to bring out Phil Dawson for the field goal when the Browns were down 28-7 on 4^th and three on the Dallas 17 with 10:13 left in the game.

The Steelers, as usual, exude competence. But put a gun to my head, and I say this is a 3-point game.

New-Classic Piece of Sports Journalism of the Week: ‘Why We Look The Other Way’ (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=klosterman/070319)  by Chuck Klosterman

The rise of excellent blogs and online magazine, plus the advances in multimedia video technology, and the continued quality (if not circulation numbers) of traditional print media have given birth to a golden era of serious, provactive, and informative sports journalism over the last five or so years. Each week I’ll highlight one piece in particular across a variety of different mediums that is an iconic piece of sports coverage. This week the pick is Chuck Klosterman’s essay for ESPN the Magazine about the moral implications of performance enhancers in pro sports.

The Lloyd Christmas “Just When I Think You Couldn’t Get Any Dumber, You Go And Do Something Like This…And Totally Redeem Yourself!” Bounceback Game of the Week.

Indianapolis (-2) over MINNESOTA

Before Brady and Merriman’s knees exploded and the Jaguars front five came down with the plague, the theory was that the Colts—with a gimpy Manning and one-foot-out-the-door Dungy—were a one-and-done type team. Not so much anymore. The question now is whether Indy can get their heads screwed on fast enough to try and pull off one big score. It could be just like a really cool heist movie—Dungy is quiet religious guy, Manning is the…uh, um…oh, who am I kidding; they’re the Colts—they’re all quiet religious guys.

The Vikings, for their part, could have beaten the Packers last Monday if they had an adequate NFL quarterback (or at least someone who doesn’t pat the ball four times before every throw) and a head coach who is not so overmatched by the basics of game management that last year he was outsmarted twice within 30 seconds by Joe Gibbs 2.0 on procedural issues. Childress may be the most underrated horrible coach in the league. He really should be up there in the pantheon of overmatched greats like Zorn, Nolan Linehan, and Edwards. At least his players love him…oh, wait, no…No they do not.

The G.O.B. Bluth “Nobody Makes A Fool Out Of Our Family Without My Help” Game of the Week Co-Starring The Shakier Members of Proud Coaching Families.

HOUSTON (-5) over Baltimore

Ravens head coach John Harbaugh is the less famous older-brother of Stanford Head Coach/Pete Carroll Christmas Card Recipient/toast of the Michigan Alumni Club Jim Harbaugh. Kyle Shanahan is the Texans offensive coordinator and 28-year-old son of Mike Shanahan (and also, interestingly enough, the only person on an NFL coaching staff named Kyle). Harbaugh started his head-coaching career with a bang last weekend with a 17-10 win over the Cincinnati Bengals, the team picked by most experts to finish atop the MAC this season. That being said, I still love the Texans D to rough up Joe Flacco in this game. And Andre Johnson is about as underrated as a two-time Pro Bowl wide receiver who attended Miami and went number 3 in the draft can possibly be.

(Side note: Who has been perpetuating this rumor that Matt Schaub is good? I admit, before last weekend, I just sort of assumed, “Well, Gary Kubiak likes him and they gave up two 2^nd round picks for him—the guy must be a player.” Not so—he’s bad. Mike Lombardi affirmed as much during Tavern Talk last Monday when he casually mentioned Schaub is 4-10 lifetime as a starter. And he seems to have no feel for the game (aka ‘realizing when to just dump it off to Owen Daniels’). I mean, when you first three years in the league (plus the last five games of the 2007 season) absorbing the rhythms and intricacies of the NFL game on the sidelines. You’d hope your reaction to the sight of a 3-4 defense or zone blitz would be something other than utter bewilderment and complete muscle paralysis; yet that’s exactly what happened Sunday, where he looked more overmatched than Tarvaris Jackson at the ‘pass’ segment of a “Punt, Pass, and Kick” competition (Thank you!).

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The “Kevin Spacey Is Keyzer Soze” Shocker Game of the Week

Buffalo (+6) over JACKSONVILLE

Performances like Sunday’s showing against the Titans are jarring reminders that it took David Garrard five years to permanently wrestle the Jags QB job away from Byron Leftwich. Meanwhile, I got a kick out of this story: (http://www.jacksonville.com/tuonline/stories/091108/jag_330917912.shtml) from the Jacksonville Time-Union where Jack Del Rio says he’s relying on O-Line coach Mike Tice to work some magic with the Jags line. You know you’re in for a long run in the playoffs when you turn the deft mind of Mike Tice loose on a problem. Clearly the Jaguars are going to be juuust fine….the only way Tice is helping this O-Line fend off Kyle Williams and Marcus Stroud on the inside and Aaron Schobel and Chris Kelsay rushing the edge is if he gives all the linemen one of his little pencils to stab the Bills players in the eyes.

Male-Bonding Movie Of The Week To Watch Before The Sunday Night Game: Safe Men

Ostensibly an indie safe-cracker comedy starring Paul Giamatti, Mark Ruffalo, Steve Zahn, and Sam Rockwell, it is also about moustaches, insecurity, dwarves trying to murder you, lounge singing, Jewish cuisine, sloe Gin Fizzes, falling in love, and designer gift baskets. Here’s a clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L95kSwjdyB8)

The Frank Costanza “You Couldn’t Smooth A Silk Sheet If You Had A Hot Date With A Babe…I Lost My Train Of Thought” Game Of The Week Most Likely To Inspire Fans To Mutter Angrily To Themselves.

New Orleans (Pick) over WASHINGTON

Clearly, the NFL game had passed Joe Gibbs by: the Redskins needed to replace the 3-time Super Bowl winner with the agile and quick mind of Jim Zorn. That fella seems sharp. Really, what’s worse? Gibbs having  one-time, momentary brainlock about the rules on back-to-back timeouts in the emotionally wrenching days after the heart-and-soul of his team was murdered; or Jimmy Zorn, preparing his whole life for his coaching debut and exhibiting the game management/play-calling skills of a foreigner who’d never before watched a football game. Still not on board? Let’s look at how they dealt with their poor decisions: Gibbs owned up to his timeout gaff in a brutal press conference (refusing to lend credence to newsroom/message board scuttlebutt that it was actually an unnamed assistant coach who told him to take the back-to-back timeouts), and less than 24 hours after the worst moment of his professional career stood up in front of his team and hundreds of mourners to eulogize Sean Taylor. Jim Zorn, on the other hand, didn’t even wait until the Giants game was over to start blaming Jason Campbell.

The Redskins are officially the NFL version of Kruger Industrial Siding.

The George Costanza “What Is My Father Doing With A Man In A Cape?” Game That Will Provide More Questions Than Answers.

TAMPA (-7.5) over Atlanta

Brian Griese is easy to make fun of because of his goofy hairline, his dad broadcasting his games, and his propensity for tomfoolery, shenanigans, and ballyhoo. (detailed here   http://www.pub.umich.edu/daily/1996/apr/04-08-96/news/Griese.html  here http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4191/is_20001031/ai_n9980757 , and, oh, here http://espn.go.com/nfl/trainingcamp02/columns/broncos/1410747.html ), but as backup QBs go, he’s one of the best you can have. Has Brian Griese ever filled in for an injured starter only to see the team implode under his stewardship? Meanwhile, questions abound: is this finally it for Garcia/Gruden? Where does Garcia go if he is moved (cough*Houston*cough)? Are the Bucs going to be the odd team out in the tougher-than-everybody-thought NFC South?  Also worth noting that if Reggie Bush doesn’t take a horribly thrown Drew Brees pass all the way, the Bucs are positioning themselves for 2-0.

Meanwhile, there’s a lot of talk this week that the Falcons look like they’re “for real.” But what does “for real” mean in the context of this Atlanta team? Even if they steal this game, best-case scenario is still 6-10.

The Rodney Dangerfield “I Get No Respect” Game of the Week

Tennessee (+1.5) over CINCINNATI 

So the Titans beat up on a Super Bowl contender and the Bengals look incompetent against Baltimore, yet somehow the Titans are the underdogs. I hate it when people in sports play the “no respect” card, but this is surprising, especially when you consider a mob of southern Ohioans are probably going to burn down Carson Palmer’s house if USC beats OSU Saturday.

Meanwhile, considering the events of the past 18 months, can ESPN ever again have Floyd Reese on the network at draft time? The man invested consecutive top-six picks in Adam Jones and Vince Young—nobody will remember how he shaped the Titans into a perennial contender, he’ll be the guy who saw the two biggest headcases in recent memory and said, ‘Yes, please.’”

10 Songs That Will Rock Your Girlfriend’s Weekend—If you are reading this website, you will almost certainly be spending all day Sunday locked away watching football. Fine by us! But you will also spend a significant amount of time Saturday watching college football. And during the week, you will spend a large chunk of time reading about football, as you are doing now. Again, fine by us—just don’t forget to pay attention to your girlfriend/wife/significant other. As a sign of affection, we’ve always liked mix-CDs. Same basic criteria as the other playlist—this one is also available on iTunes as an iMix, search ‘National Football Post Girlfriend Mix’

1. ‘To The Dogs Or Whoever’ by Josh Ritter

Josh Ritter is the Bob Dylan Bob Dylan could have been. Josh Ritter is the Bob Dylan Bob Dylan wishes he was. This song sounds like what it feels like to crush on somebody. It also includes the phrase “Lemonade on your breath/Sun in your hair/Did I mention how I love you in your underwear” which is a great lyric to teach to an impressionable five year-old.

2. ‘State of Main’ by Scout

An NYC band from the early 2000s that just sort of faded away, which is a shame, since they were pretty great.

3. ‘Sweet Avenue’ by Damien Rice

So you’ve probably heard this and you probably have your own feelings about Damien Rice, but this is probably his best song, and it’s important to have one song on a mix for a girl where she goes, “Oooh, I’ve heard this before!”

4.  ‘Sunshine (Come On Lady)’ by Josh Rouse

Rouse is versatile and prolific, like the Troy Brown of singer-songwriters. He’s equally at home channeling the best of folk, soul, and Latin.

5.  ‘Tell Me A Lie’ by Griffin House

Griffin House is already as good as Ryan Adams, but you’ve probably never heard of him since he’s not a maniac.

6. ‘The Trapeze Swinger’ by Iron & Wine

The song tells a story which I suppose we are supposed to unpack/interpret, but I’ve deliberately never looked up the lyrics out of fear that a song this pretty could actually be about some generic pop-rock problem like an unwanted pregnancy (I hate those songs).

7. ‘Clouds (Live at the Tivoli)’ by The Go-Betweens

The Go-Betweens were a mid-80s Australian new wave band that are no longer in existence, probably because they played too many simple, sweet love songs (such as this)

8. ‘Slow Pony Home’ by The Weepies

At first glance, The Weepies seem like one of those smug little indie bands you’d expect to see pop up on the Grey’s Anatomy soundtrack. But the driving electric guitar backgrounds give the songs an edge, and the lyrics/vocals are startlingly un-fussy.

9. ‘Valentine’s Day’ by Bruce Springsteen

Michael Lombardi can talk for an hour straight about this song if you let him.

10. ‘Never Be’ by Kelley McRae

A pretty song. Those are nice to hear every now and then.

The Omar Little “All In The Game” Game of The Week

DALLAS (-6.5) over Philadelphia

What can you say, really? Best game on the board. I’d like to caution everybody hopping aboard the Eagles bandwagon that the Eagles beat the Rams last week, which according to the new NFL bylaws counts for only half of a win. Warrants mentioning.

The Rest

SEATTLE (-7) over San Francisco

Green Bay (-3) over DETROIT

ARIZONA (-6.5) over Miami

San Diego (-1.5) over DENVER

And now, as you head off…

Something Bruce Springsteen Said Better Than Anybody Ever Said Before And Will Ever Say Again:

                        “A life of leisure and a pirate’s treasure-

                          Don’t make much for tragedy

                          But it’s a sad man my friend who’s living in his own skin

                          And can’t stand the company”

                                    - “Better Days” 1992

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