The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

It’s that time once again everybody.  Tuesday afternoon means one thing, another installment of The Good, The Bad & The Ugly.  You know how we do it:  no holds barred style.  You play well, you get a pat on the back.  You forget to show up on Sunday, and you know what happens.

THE GOOD

1.     Steven “How Bout Them Cowboys?” Jackson:  How bout them Cowboys is right.  More specifically, “how bout how bad that defense is?”  The Jim Haslett era in St. Louis is off to a 2-0 start and he can thank S-Jax for their most recent victory.  Jackson was an absolute stud this past weekend, carrying the rock only 25 times for a monstrous 160 yards and 3 touchdowns.  He would have added more to that total had he not exited the game in the fourth quarter with a thigh injury (he is expected to play this weekend).  I realize that Mewelde Moore, LenDale White and Chris Johnson all had beastly games worthy of mention as well, but in my opinion, Jackson takes home top honors. 

2.     Calvin “2 catches for 5,000 yards” Johnson:  Maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but it sure was close (by close, I mean within 4,846 yards, give or take, I’m not a stickler).  What baffles me is the Texans' game plan.  You have to know going into a game with the Lions that they only have ONE player who can hurt you.  So they spend all week watching film and studying their playbooks, just to show up on Sunday and let this guy calmly run free in the secondary for a 96 yard touchdown pass.  Can you tell I’m not happy about this?  Not only did I have to go against this guy on Sunday, the opposing team also had Steven Jackson and Kyle Orton.  Good times.  But I made it interesting.  Jerricho Cotchery’s ZERO point day kept me in it until the end. 

3.     Carolina Panthers “Alcatraz” Defense:  For all you Saints’ owners out there, you must have really enjoyed watching this one.  Between Brees throwing for no touchdowns for the first time this season, Reggie Bush getting hurt, Marques Colston doing squat, and Shockey still being allergic to the end zone, there wasn’t a single thing about this offense that was beneficial.  The Panthers absolutely locked down the NFL’s #1 offense, forcing two turnovers, getting 1 sack, and limiting New Orleans to a season low 7 total points.  Who scored the 7 you ask?  Why, fullback Mike Karney of course.  The same guy who’s entire season consists of 2 carries for 3 yards and 1 TD.  I know what you’re thinking.  Just don’t hurt yourself in that mad dash to the waiver wire. 

THE BAD

1.     Peyton “How Did I End Up Here” Manning:  Unless you like the Packers (or just hate the Colts, either way) this was one of Manning’s few performances that left you scratching your head (unlike this one, which is hilarious).  The depleted Green Bay defense rose to the challenge and made Sunday afternoon a forgettable one for Manning and friends.  The Colts’ signal caller finished the day 21 of 42 for 229 yards, 2 TDs and 2 INTs.  Actually, I kinda got that one wrong.  While Manning did in fact throw two touchdown passes, they unfortunately were scored by members of the Green Bay secondary and NOT Indianapolis wide receivers.  Either way, a touchdown is a touchdown and fantasy owners should have gotten the points for it. 

2.     LaDainian “???” Tomlinson:  Talk about a downer.  L.T. is killing fantasy owners this year who drafted him first and thought they were set for the season.  Sunday against the Bills was yet another disappointing effort from the former fantasy icon, racking up only 67 total yards and no scores.  What’s even more disappointing is that Tomlinson has only four total touchdowns on the season.  To put that in perspective, LenDale White has eight.  I think I’m going to be sick.  I never should have written that. 

3.     Jerricho “Huge Help This Weekend, Thanks” Cotchery:  He played the Raiders, and only managed 1 catch for ZERO yards.  How exactly do you only catch one pass against Oakland?  And more importantly, how does that one catch result in NO yardage?  I guess we should all be thankful he didn’t get tackled for a loss and give us negative fantasy points.  If you’re wondering why Cotchery’s performance landed him in the “Bad” and not the “Ugly”, it’s because there is a receiver even more deserving of that distinct honor. 

THE UGLY

1.     Roy Williams:  I couldn’t come up with a stupid nickname for this one because honestly, I’m stumped.  Williams’ debut in Big D reminded me of the opening ceremonies at this past Summer’s Olympic Games.  You remember how impressive that was?  Now, think of the exact opposite, and you have R.W.’s first game as a Cowboy.  Williams no doubt left Jerry Jones feeling like he just got robbed after he shelled out all of that loot for a 0 catch, 0 yards, 0 TD performance.  Dallas is sinking in a hurry and we are getting ever closer to a fight breaking out on the sidelines, which I’d imagine would look much like this.

2.     Seattle Seahawks & Kansas City Chiefs:  I’m not sure what was worse.  The 332 yards the Chiefs gave up on the ground, or the precious gas Seatttle wasted flying to Tampa to get their butts kicked.  I’ll let you decide.  I’m too tired. 

3.     Denver Broncos Invisible Defense:  The Broncos must have forgotten to watch the tape of the Chargers/Patriots game from last weekend, because they let Matt Cassel and Sammy Morris take them to the cleaners with all of America watching (and that includes Puerto Rico).  404 total yards and 41 points speak volumes.  Either the Patriots offense is that good (unlikely), or the Denver defense is just that bad.  Either way, Moss, Welker, Morris and Cassel owners sure had a nice night. 

THE MENSA PLAY OF THE WEEK

Today, we award the Mensa play of the week to Oakland Head Coach Tom Cable.  You pulled off the victory and we applaud you for that.  Congratulations.  But no more of this “calling timeout just as the kicker puts one up and coincidentally, ends up missing” business.  You gave Jay Feely a chance to read the wind and he ended up converting on his second attempt.  Had the Raiders not pulled this one off in overtime, this would be one of the top stories/blunders of the week.  Instead, Oakland ended up winning and the only place you are hearing about it is at the bottom of this crappy article. 

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