#Shameless NFL: Making Twitter Nice
As South Park taught us last week, shaming hurts everyone. Mean comments on the internet can really rattle one's cage and leave emotional scars. Even though they make millions of dollars playing a game that many of us grew up loving, NFL players are people too. They have real feelings and deal with shame just like me and you. I know sometimes we lose sight of this, but #NFLShaming is a real problem in this country and someone has to do something about it! So here I am, just trying to create #SafeSpaces for some of the NFL's most vulnerable (This was really really hard, the internet is awfully negative).
Why Kaep might need a #SafeSpace: San Francisco hosted Seattle on Thursday Night. Though he didn't throw any interceptions, Kaepernick struggled. For every reception caught by leading receiver Vernon Davis, Michael Bennett was in the backfield for a sack (four a piece, though Bennett only received credit for 3.5 sacks).
Kaep's Safe Space
"We believe in Colin Kaepernick." 😀😀— plis (@pulpoalafeira) October 22, 2015
Technically, the game hadn't started yet, but ya know, the BELIEF WAS THERE!
My sister just said Colin Kaepernick was ugly.... He's gorgeous 😍😍😍— Alexis Kemp (@alexiskemp__) October 22, 2015
Damn straight. We don't #BodyShame here
Wow, would you look how excited all those people are? The people BELIEVE, Kaep. Keep that head up, buddy. You're "gorgeous" and.... uh..... it's everyone else's fault?
Lovie Smith (dear God, things got dark here)
Why Lovie might need a #SafeSpace: When you're up 24-0 on the Washington Redskins and Kirk Cousins, you should be able to fall asleep and wake up an hour and a half later with a win. The 'Skins are that bad, Jay Gruden is that stubborn, and Cousins is that good at turning the ball over. Somehow Lovie's defense managed a meager one sack against Cousins and failed to force any turnovers beyond a fumble on the lone sack. After a predictably conservative and misguided decision to kick a field goal on 4th and goal, Lovie's defense acted as the warm butter to Cousin's butter knife and Washington escaped with a 31-30 victory.
"Bully proof windows, troll safe doors"
@AmyTrask the idea you are telling Lovie Smith how to coach football is laughable— Media Parasite (@FtWorthFred) October 26, 2015
Yeah, that's it. Lovie's safe space is on the smaller side.
Why Ryan might need a #SafeSpace: The Houston Texans got completely throttled by the Miami Dolphins yesterday and were never remotely competitive. Mallett didn't play, didn't have anything to do with the final score, but Ryan Mallett finds himself here because Ryan Mallett can't stay out of his own way, or the headlines. This week, Mallett missed his team flight and had to get his own to make the game. Because Ryan Mallett is Ryan Mallett, I figured I should provide a #SafeSpace for him so he doesn't feel pressured into doing something bad.
Ryan Mallett's #SafeSpace
@FantasyDouche Are you saying Ryan Mallett is not a Hall of Famer?— Colin Hester (@TerryVelcro) October 26, 2015
This is probably sarcasm, but beggars can't be choosers, Ryan.
Can the Cowboys trade Matt Cassel for Ryan Mallett? If Jerry Jones thinks Brandon Weeden has a good arm, wait til he sees Mallett hum it.— Matt Young (@Chron_MattYoung) October 26, 2015
I think being called an upgrade over Brandon Weeden is technically a compliment.
Ryan. Mallett. Is. Still. On. The. Roster.— Weirdo (@houstonbred) October 26, 2015
@Houstonbred was likely not totally thrilled that Mallett was on the roster, but when your only accomplishment this season is being so "out of it" after being benched that it made national news, well, your #SafeSpace will take whatever it can.
Man, could you imagine the outrage from Browns fans if we had Ryan Mallett lol— nevaRWilliams (@nevaRWilliams) October 26, 2015
Okay, had to throw this in there because knowing you live in Houston rather than Cleveland feels like the kind of thing that would make you feel better.
Why EJ might need a #SafeSpace: Buffalo and their former-franchise, current-backup quarterback EJ Manuel traveled across the pond this week to give the fine people of England exactly what they wanted, the Buffalo Bills vs. the Jacksonville Jaguars. Yahoo even stream ed the game online as some big "well, you're probably not watching, you probably wouldn't watch anyway, but if you get sick of pregame coverage, here's this" exercise. EJ actually threw two more touchdowns than turnovers, but two of those scores went the other way, and the Bills would go on to lose.
@EJManuel3 I believe in you— Wes ✨ (@SigurWes) October 5, 2015
#BelievealoBills... wait this is from 3 weeks ago.
So maybe Buffalo just has nicer people than Tampa, San Francisco, and Houston?
You see though, that wasn't too hard? In just a few minutes of work, we made Twitter a more enjoyable experience for a few NFL players that might have been facing a lot of "shame" this week for one reason or another. You think Cersei Lannister wishes she had someone to create a safe space for her? I bet she does!
PS - Trigger Warning if you are EJ Manuel!!!!!!
What does the United States, Canada and the United Kingdom all have in common?EJ Manuel has lost an NFL game there.— Ebo (@EboSays) October 26, 2015
Low key, best stat ever.